Guilt
by Pikayu
Summary: Vanitas has been keeping secrets from his blonde. Vanitas POV


___Guilt_

Such a foreign emotion. Then again, I've been feeling a lot of those recently. Some I knew the names of, others, I was clueless. Guilt, however, was easy enough for me to identify, despite the fact that I'd never felt it in the past. I suppose it would've been tough to feel guilty about anything when the only one I cared about was myself.

I turned the knob on the door behind me, holding it as I pulled it closed. I'd gotten back late as usual, the house was pitch black. Good. I didn't need anyone seeing me right now. I made my way easily across the entryway and up the staircase without missing a step.

My eyes were made for this. Walking through darkness that left most people stumbling or clinging to walls. I'd been told before that my eyes actually glowed when the lights went out.

_Like a heartless._

I bit my lip at that thought. Who in their right mind would compare me to such mindless beasts? Well, I know one person. A certain know-it-all who seems to think I'm an idiot. No better than a heartless in fact. But I am better than those pathetic creatures. I have my brains, my ability to rationalize through my fighting instinct and, unlike those insects, I won't lose myself to the darkness, because I _am_ the darkness.

I reached the top of the stairs and padded quietly down the narrow hallway to a slightly-cracked door. I let myself into the bathroom, closing the door without a sound before flicking on the lights. I took a deep breath and turned to look in the mirror.

"Shit." I breathed quietly.

It seemed my Master had gone overboard with my training again, if my black eye and bleeding lip were anything to go by. My injuries probably continued lower than my face, however I couldn't tell beyond my dusty combat suit. I could feel a bit of, what I assumes was, blood trickling through my hair as I leaned in closer to the mirror, observing my injured eye.

Luckily the injury wasn't affecting my sight, it was just a bit of swelling. Good, nothing to worry about.

I grunted as I stood up straight again, feeling a heavy pain in my side until I was still. The old man had probably bruised my ribs. Bruised ribs were the most common injury I had to endure when I trained. Xehanort may have been old, but he sure as hell could swing a keyblade.

I sighed, letting my combat suit and the lower part of my helmet turn into shadows and vanish. My golden eyes stayed on the mirror as I was instantly undressed. A large purple bruise was beginning to appear on the right side of my ribcage. It looked as if another would soon form on my chest and yet another just below the left side of my ribcage. They looked like they should hurt, but perhaps I've gotten too used to this physical pain to notice. It was a small pain compared to what I normally dealt with.

I turned and started up the shower after accounting for all of my injuries. Chances were Ventus would notice the black eye and other bruises if I woke him, but I could at least wash the blood and dirt away. It'd probably be best if I didn't smell like sweat when I returned to my blonde as well.

I stepped into the warm shower. I never realized how tense my muscles were until they began to relax under the spray. I began washing myself, careful to avoid aggravating my bruises too much.

This was becoming routine now. I'd leave after Ventus had fallen asleep and meet up with my Master for training, which usually consisted of getting beaten up and talked down to. Eventually I'd manage to drag my ass back home and sneak in to assess my injuries and figure out how to hide them. However, a black eye would be much more difficult to hide than the usual bruises on my body.

I hissed as the the shampoo I was rubbing into my hair made contact with an open wound on the back of my head. That's right. I'd hit my head on a rock at some point. That must be the source. I gingerly rubbed the shampoo around on the wound, letting out a breath when it felt clean enough to stop. I rinsed my hair out and stood under the spray of the shower for a while, enjoying the warmth. I'd have to face Ventus eventually.

With that thought in mind I turned off the shower head and pulled the curtain back. The towels on the rack, just within my reach were a welcome sight. I took one and rubbed it through my hair, slowing a bit around the wound. I wasn't sure if it had stopped bleeding, but I didn't want to give it a reason to start again if it had. After my hair was dried enough that the dark spikes stayed out of my face, I dried the rest of my body.

Darkness swirled around me and a pair of black boxers and a red undershirt materialized on me as I entered the dark hallway again. I tossed my used towel into a laundry basket as I made my way silently down the narrow hallway.

All I had to do was get into bed without waking Ventus up and I'd be safe. Due to my unnaturally strong immune system the black eye would have faded by morning. The problem was, Ventus often woke up when I got into bed. Usually I passed my movement off as a physical reaction to a nightmare, but if he noticed my eye he might not believe me this time.

I approached our door and reached out a hand for the knob slowly. The door creaked a bit as I opened it. Ventus wasn't a light sleeper, but the blonde began to stir as I neared the bed.

"Vani…." I froze as my blonde murmured that nickname I'd been given. I gazed down at him through the darkness. The boy was sprawled out across out bed, halfway under the blankets, eyes closed. Good, he was just dreaming.

I walked to the foot of our bed and rested a knee against it. I paused as Ventus rolled over, mumbling something that sounded like a spell. I leaned my weight on the bed cautiously, testing Ventus's reaction to be sure the kid wasn't awake. My body strained to move slowly as the ache in my side started up again. When my blonde remained still, I crawled carefully up to his side and slid under the comforter.

I let out a breath of relief as the flare of pain dulled and vanished. I'd made it. My little Venny wouldn't suspect a thing. I smirked, feeling rather proud of myself. Pulling one over on Ventus had been getting increasingly difficult. He was learning to read me and that was the last thing I needed right now.

I was just about to try my hand at getting some sleep when I felt rustling from the other side of the bed. I sucked in a breath as Ventus's arm came to rest across my chest. Turning my head to glance at my blonde, I noticed he was facing me now. Still asleep of course.

I stared at his sleeping face for a while. I suppose some might say I was mesmerized by him for a few moments.

_Damnit, why does that happen with him?_

I sighed and rolled onto my side to better face my blonde. My heart felt heavy.

_Guilt_

What was I supposed to do? I was betraying him. What was I even doing coming back here? I should just leave and let him be happy with his friends. Why couldn't I do that?

After a few more moments of uncertainly, I couldn't help but wrap my arms around the boy and pull him against my chest. He confused me so much. All I knew was that, as I buried my face in his hair, it was comforting to know he was there. His scent alone relaxed me and I closed my eyes. A sudden wave of sleepiness overcoming me. The last thing I felt was my little blonde nuzzling back against me in his sleep.

END

I couldn't sleep because I had this narration running through my head, so I got up and typed it out.

I'm sorry if it's confusing at all. It's based on an RP. Vanitas and Ventus are staying at Sora's house if that helps at all. ^-^;

Anyway, thanks for reading!


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